30 Days Naked Day 17

I believe in shouting. I believe shouting is awesome. Sometimes i need to shout...to yell..or even to scream. Yesterday was one of those days. Last night I read Psalm 30 and 31, which I encourage you to read also. Psalm 30:2 says "O Lord my God, I called to you for help and you healed me." I am broken just like in Psalm 31:12: "..I have become broken like pottery." but verse 14 says: "but I trust in you, O Lord; I say, 'you are my God'." He is my God. He is my Father. We've been through everything together. He has never left me. Why would I leave Him now? I have done that before, and I have experienced the aloneness and the emptiness it brings. Psalm 30:5-7 "for His anger lasts only a moment, but His favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes with the morning. When I felt secure, I said, 'I will never be shaken.' O Lord, when you favored me, you made my mountain stand firm; but when you hid your face, I was dismayed." Lord I am broken, But you are the healer. Lord I am dismayed, But you are still here. Lord I am lost, But you save me in your unfailing love. I know you preserve the faithful. I will be strong and take heart for you are good.

30 Days Naked Day 16 part 2

Here I am Broken again I've been put back together too many times I don't know if I can handle this What have I done wrong? Lord, please tell me I gave it up for you Did I do the wrong thing? The pressure is too much I am not sure what to do How could you? I'm speechless I don't know what to think I'm so frightened And so scared Are you here? Do you care? Do you see how I love? Is it not enough? What am I supposed to learn? I'm waiting Waiting for your answer You are silent Do you hear me? I'm shouting, yelling, screaming I'm falling apart Can't take another blow I can't feel my heart You are the only one that heals But why would an injured man go back to the man who beat him up? Did you do this? Is it real? I don't understand Oh God I do not Comprehend

30 Days Naked Day 16

Why is this world so unfair? Why is it so horrible? Why do bad things happen? More importantly, why does it have to happen to such amazing people? They fall down and their faith is tested. It seems like such a great journey and they are thankful to God by the end. The second time is more difficult. It is long and grueling on them and everyone around them. But in the end they say "God is good". Why must it keep happening? Lord I thought I learned. What else do you have for me? What else do you have for them? Must it keep on happening? Will my dejavu continue? Is this your joy? To have your people suffer? I'm shouting. I shout to you who is so great. What have I done? What have I done. So I thought you listened. I thought you heard me. Will you answer prayer and take it away less than 6 months later? I guess it is true. So I have heard: you give and take away.

30 Days Naked Day 15

I'm tired. I'm scared. I'm stressed. I'm nervous. I'm impatient. School is weighing me down. I'm ready to finish. Life is becoming difficult. Halfway there Please don't stare I am sick inside and out All I want to do is pout Please end the stress I'm such a mess I'm tired and I'm scared I don't know why I dared I feel like I'm falling No one hears my calling Sometimes I wish I could physically feel Jesus. I wish I could feel him hold me and comfort me. I wish I could hear His voice audibly and know He is with me. I feel broken. I write when I need to vent. I apologize for this discouraging post.

30 Days Naked Day 14

Sitting in my room. Nervous. Sweating. I was going to leave soon. "Why do I become so nervous when i speak in front of people?" i asked myself. I became angry. I looked in the mirror, feeling naked. I have never wanted to put on makeup so bad. I always feel naked when I speak in front of people, and that is with makeup. Now I felt completely exposed. I had to keep praying to resist the temptation. I drove to class blaring music to get my mind off of what was about to happen. In the class room I waited anxiously while others presented. Ever since I was little I would sing this song my mom taught me: "God has not given us a spirit of fear. But he has given unto us, a spirit of power, a spirit of love, and a sound mind". This comes from 1 timothy 1:7. I used to always sing this at night when I would be frightened of the furnace. I still sing it in my head whenever I am nervous or scared. I sat in my chair singing this in my head while I waited. It was my turn. I set up the computer and I was shaking while I did it. I looked up at the class and saw all of the faces staring at me. Waiting. I decided to be honest. "I'm nervous" I said. I told the class that I become quite nervous when speaking in front of people so I would like to pray before I began. So I prayed and then I presented. Very strange. But it was the best thing to do.