I don't think I believe what I believe anymore

I don’t think I believe what I believe anymore.
If only, if only I knew what was true.
My mind fights and fights to try to even the score
but honestly I really don’t have a clue.
When I run I sweat,
when I laugh I smile.
The truth hits me over the head
as I run half a mile.
I just run away from the troubles I face,
no confrontation,
because that’s just not my place.
I need a vacation.
I don’t think I believe what I believe anymore.
Is this really supposed to happen?
Life is just a whore,
repeating itself, and being used over and over again.
I’ve seen these tears before
somewhere in a dream,
they were waiting at the door
and biting the screen.
What is regret?
It is my enemy,
watching me fret
as I pace endlessly.
I don’t think I believe what I believe anymore.

More of A Life

Life seems to go up and down
So fast that I don’t know
Like a rollar coaster
I don’t know whether to put my hands in the air
or whether to scream and cover my eyes.
I have high highs
and I have low lows.
Sometimes I’m in the valley
and sometimes I’m climbing up the mountain,
I’ve seemed to have lost my thrill.
I miss the joy I had in life.
To get it back I would kill
Depressed and lonely
Everything was going wrong
I was confused and befuddled
I was blind and mute
No smile on my face
No acting all cute
But I seemed to be doing well
Hiding my feelings of meltdown
Would I ever get back up again?
I fell oh so hard Into this hole that’s so dark
and I’m sitting here oh so scared
I can’t see a thing
Not even my own hand
But I feel the dirty garbage around me
And the tears sliding down my face
But I don’t feel loved
But you woke me up
You pulled me out of that hole
You said ‘child, I’d do anything for you’
And You just want to be with me
Want to hold me close
You love me more than anyone could
And you overwhelm me with your grace
So I fall down on my face
Held captive by your love
I won the race
That race that everyone runs
They are searching for something
Something to fill them up
Well I know I’ve found it!
Because of you I am what I am
More than I could ever be
Alone I am only a weak child
But with You I can do all things
And I am joyful I’ve found my thrill
Serving you til the very end
Following my Jesus
Taking up my cross
Because You did everything for me
You gave everything for me
Payed the highest price
Loved like no one else has ever loved

Upside Down

Falling over
Upside down
There goes my world
Goin’ round and round
Can’t see it now
Can’t see at all
My head’s all dizzy
And I think it’s gonna fall
Flying backwards
Upside down
Please catch my feet
As I spin around
There’s no going back
No reversing time
This is what we have
And what we have is a crime
Shooting sideways
Upside down
There go the days
When I used to drown
Look at me then
Look at me now
Here I am hanging
Upside down
What if I fall
What if I crash
What if I stand back up and be a man
Here it goes
All or nothing
This life is not known
Who knows
What’s coming
Who’s going
Who’s running
Cause it’s hard to see
When you are upside down
Every smile looks like a frown
Every one seems to look at you funny
You don’t have friends
Just some paper money
Who’s holding on to me
Where am I going
All I know is that I’m hanging
Upside down

30 Days Naked Day 18

I once heard it said that once you are born, you begin dying. When you take your first breath, second breath, third breath, ect, you are slowly making your way to your last breath. In my life, right now, I am slowly dying. So..in a way..we all have a slow death. And since life is full of struggles, difficulties, and pain, we all have some sort of a painful death. We all are dying. Slowly. Painfully. I am not sure about you, but this sounds utterly depressing to me. I really wanted something positive to bring light into such a negative and pessemistic comment. Today I read 2 Corinthians 4. In verses 10-12 it says: "we always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you." Though we are dying, we have a Savior who gives us life. We have this life because of His death. We give our lives in worship to the one who is alive. Verse 14 says: "because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence." In our death we will have life because we recieve the gift of dwelling with the Lord in heaven forever. Verses 16-18 say: "therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

30 Days Naked Day 15

I'm tired. I'm scared. I'm stressed. I'm nervous. I'm impatient. School is weighing me down. I'm ready to finish. Life is becoming difficult. Halfway there Please don't stare I am sick inside and out All I want to do is pout Please end the stress I'm such a mess I'm tired and I'm scared I don't know why I dared I feel like I'm falling No one hears my calling Sometimes I wish I could physically feel Jesus. I wish I could feel him hold me and comfort me. I wish I could hear His voice audibly and know He is with me. I feel broken. I write when I need to vent. I apologize for this discouraging post.