Here I am Lord

Here I am,
here I am again
in this place I’ve been a thousand times,
struggling to keep my mind.
Oh Lord, help me with this now.
I can’t take it anymore.
I’m tired and I’m sick of this.
I keep coughing up this bothersome mess
Sometimes I wish I didn’t care
but I can’t help it even if I dare
Oh Lord, hold me tonight
I just want to know you’re here
I just want to hear you say
“I’ve got it all under control”
Oh Lord, things seem hopeless now
It happened so many times
When will it end?
Please tell me when it will end
I’m sick of all this worry
My heart aches when I think of them
I’m so helpless when it comes to this
Oh Lord, I’m not sure what to do
I guess I should just give it to You
I know You have it all,
holding it in Your hand,
but I can’t stop worrying
I can’t stop thinking of it
and I can’t stop the ache in my heart
Oh Lord, please heal me
because here I am.
Here I am again
kneeling at your feet.
You know where I’ve been
and You know where I am now,
right where I was before.

I can't live without You

I’ve come to see it all,
the bigger picture.
I can’t live without you.
I could live without all the money in the world
I could live without a house,
a roof over my head.
I could live without possesions
or even without any friends.
I’d still be alive
I’d still breath
but without you
everything falls apart.
Even if I seemed to have “everything”
You hold everything together
I can’t live without you

Right Here Beside Me

When you’re
on your knees
and you’re
screaming please
God I can’t do this on my own.
You realize
that you’re
not alone
and He’s right there
beside you
and you can’t help but cry
cause you know it’s alright.
You’re in His presence
and it reasures you
of everything,
everything that was promised.
The plans that you know He has,
they’ll all come true
and you know
everything will work out for the good
because you’re
not alone.
He’s right there beside you
and you can’t help but cry
cause you know it’s alright.
Jesus hold me tonight
cause I just want to be with You.
Every breath I take with You,
every step I take will be right behind Yours
and when I run out of air
You breath Your life into me.
You are my strength
when I can’t take another step,
You carry me
and I’m not alone
cause you’re right here beside me.
I can’t help but cry
cause I know it’s alright.

Joy in His Goodness

I love hearing from you:
what you are learning,
what you are doing,
how you are growing,
the joy that’s in your heart.
I see God working in you
and I hear it throuh your words.
I see your heart changing
and it makes my spirit glad.
I want to leap for joy
and I want to sing His praise.
He answered my prayers
I see them answered in you
and it makes me smile
and I can never stop
Thank you Lord for your goodness
Your goodness never ends

You Alone

When I am hungry
let me hunger for you.
When I am thirsty
let me thirst for your voice.
Let your words be my fulfillment
and let me not crave anything else.
Let my appetite be satisfied
by you and you alone.

Let Me

Let your name be glorified
Let your presence fill the earth
Let me further your kingdom
Let me do your will
and when I succeed
let people not look at me
let them look at you.
Let them see you
Let them see you through me

Make Me

Make me a servant A servant for You Make me want to Do everything for You Make my heart long Long to know Your will Make my life A testimony for You

You Never Change

You're always there
You never change
You always love
You always know
You alwasys mold my ever softening heart
You always see my every thought
You always comfort
You always catch my every tear
You always keep me safe from every harm
You are always patient
when I am not.
You always have plans
What I do not
and when I do
Yours are always better
You always wait
when I run away.
You're always there
when I come back.
You never change

More of A Life

Life seems to go up and down
So fast that I don’t know
Like a rollar coaster
I don’t know whether to put my hands in the air
or whether to scream and cover my eyes.
I have high highs
and I have low lows.
Sometimes I’m in the valley
and sometimes I’m climbing up the mountain,
I’ve seemed to have lost my thrill.
I miss the joy I had in life.
To get it back I would kill
Depressed and lonely
Everything was going wrong
I was confused and befuddled
I was blind and mute
No smile on my face
No acting all cute
But I seemed to be doing well
Hiding my feelings of meltdown
Would I ever get back up again?
I fell oh so hard Into this hole that’s so dark
and I’m sitting here oh so scared
I can’t see a thing
Not even my own hand
But I feel the dirty garbage around me
And the tears sliding down my face
But I don’t feel loved
But you woke me up
You pulled me out of that hole
You said ‘child, I’d do anything for you’
And You just want to be with me
Want to hold me close
You love me more than anyone could
And you overwhelm me with your grace
So I fall down on my face
Held captive by your love
I won the race
That race that everyone runs
They are searching for something
Something to fill them up
Well I know I’ve found it!
Because of you I am what I am
More than I could ever be
Alone I am only a weak child
But with You I can do all things
And I am joyful I’ve found my thrill
Serving you til the very end
Following my Jesus
Taking up my cross
Because You did everything for me
You gave everything for me
Payed the highest price
Loved like no one else has ever loved

Just to be with me..He did everything

Have you ever just thought about the power of God's love? And have been so overwhelmed? Have you ever thought about the reality that Jesus died for you? He died for you. He had You in mind when he was there on the cross. He had me in mind. It is crazy incredible. Tonight I listened to "Love Song" by Third Day. I have heard it before, but tonight it felt like Jesus was singing it to me. I was so overcome I was sobbing...overcome with his love. [1st Verse] I've heard it said that a man would climb a mountain Just to be with the one he loves. How many times has he broken that promise It has never been done. I've never climbed the highest mountain, But I walked the hill of Calvary. [Chorus] Just to be with you, I will do anything There's no price I would not pay no Just to be with you, I would give everything I would give my life away. [2nd Verse] I've heard it said that a man would swim the ocean Just to be with the one he loves All of those dreams are an empty motion. It can never be done. I've never swam the deepest ocean, But I walked upon the raging sea. [Repeat Chorus] Just to be with you, I will do anything There's no price I would not pay no Just to be with you, I would give everything I would give my life away. [Bridge] I know that you don't understand the fullness of My love. How I died upon the cross for your sins. And I know that you don't realize how much that I give you But I promise, I would do it all again. Just to be with you, I've done everything There's no price I did not pay no Just to be with you, I gave everything Yes, I gave my life away. Just to be with you.

I Need A Breath

Tonight I watched a movie that I will not recomend, nor name. It was a silly movie, what you would call "stupid" or "corny" or maybe even "lame". Normally, people don't cry in stupid movies. Nor in corny or even lame ones. No. I didn't cry. My eyes just watered up and stung badly. But why? Why? Why did I cry? Maybe because the word "love" was mentioned quite a few times. Maybe because I understood some of the pain that was being portrayed, no matter how silly it was. Maybe because I missed feeling careless. Maybe because I was sad for the ignorant characters played in the movie. Maybe I cried because I missed the little things...Or maybe just because I was just emotionally strained. I realized this week and last that I need a day. A day to breath. A day to be silent. A day to contmplate and think and more importantly, a day to pray and just be still. Today is that day. I am spending this whole day silent until midnight, the beginning of the tenth of june. I am also spending the day barefoot. I hope to really spend the day with God. To stand in his presence. I remembered the story in the Bible about God talking to Moses through the burning bush. He told him to take off his sandals for the ground he was standing on was Holy ground. I hope today to be a great experience. I turned off my phone and I will only blog once more on my other blog www.thirtydaysofyou.blogspot.com for my 3rd day of fasting from facebook. Psalm 46:10 "Be still and Know that I Am God."

I Don't Know What the Future Holds, but I Know Who's Holding the Future

My best friend wrote Matthew 6:31-34 on my hand today when she surprised me and visited me at work. When I arrived home, I immediately read the verses. "So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." I spend a lot of my day worrying. Whether it be about struggles I am going through, whether I will have enough time to do everything I need to do, or even what other people think of me. But why do I worry? I have a God who can do immeasurably more than I could ever ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). I should FIRST seek HIS Kingdom and HIS Righteousness. If I seek HIM and follow after HIM, all my needs will be met because I am focused solely on my wonderful Father. I shouldn't worry about tomorrow. God has that in His hands. I read a quote today in the book "Do Hards Things". It was from a girl around my age. She said, "I don't know what the future holds, but I know Who's holding the future." That gives me peace.

Trust Me

I was struggling. Fighting. Confused. Upset. I didn't understand. Really God? This is what you want me to do? But what about my life? What about my plan? "I have a better plan," He said. But I was still questioning. What's the plan? Tell me. Let me see it. "I have called you and you have a purpose. I have a plan for you; Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." But I still didn't get it. I didn't see these plans. They weren't tangible. They weren't understandable. But He spoke again, "Everything will work out for the good. Trust Me." I knew He spoke truth. Though I don't understand, I will trust and obey. Sometimes God asks us to do difficult things. But He has a plan, one that is better than we could ever plan or imagine. But we must listen, trust, and obey. And we must also rely on Him for strength to see it through. He will be here with me through it all.

I Want But I Know

And I want to
But I know you
And you are worth
So much more
And if you want me to
I sure will do
My plans are no longer
I will follow my Father
Even if it hurts
You say it's not the time
I listen to your words
And I say
Please hold me
You're all I need
Take my heart now
Hold it
Draw me closer
Im Safe in your arms
You whisper in my ear
'daughter please hear'
And you want me to let go
Dropping what was before
Tomorrow is another door
What will it hold
I'm not so sure
But I know Your plans are good
You're the hope
That I cling to
Your promises renew
My spirit is yours
Oh my soul Lord
Take me
Mold me
Shape me
I know I'm growing Into the woman you want me to be

Doubt?

Do you ever have moments of doubt? Maybe those moments are just minutes, or even seconds; but perhaps they are hours, days, even weeks. Is this God's plan? Or is this something I convinced myself was His plan? Is this His timing? Or is this my timing? It is so difficult for me to just give it all to God. There could be many reasons for this. Two I can think of off the top of my head are selfishness and impatience. I want things to go my way and right now. That's not how God works. There is a reason I'm not in charge..I can't see it all. I am not all seeing and all powerful; not in the least. God knows my thoughts and the thoughts of others. He knows future events and people. And he knows my heart. He is the ultimate discerner. I need to lay it all down before His feet. What do you want Lord?what can I do for You? Show me your will for my life. Help me to see your plan for me and to carry it out. Be with me through every step. I trust you.

Cascade of Joy

Recently I began an accountability pact with my best friend and we have a series of questions we ask each other to stay accountable. One of the questions she asked me was: Have you let anyone rob you of your joy? I had to say...yes... Yes, I have let people, myself, or the devil rob me of my joy...the Lord's joy. It was difficult to say, but it hit me like a nail. Why do I let people rob me of this wonderful joy that the Lord has given me? Lately, I have been extremely happy, joyous, and excited about my life and what God is doing in it. I have been tremendously excited and thrilled. I was enveloped in the very essence of the word joy, which has the synonyms of delight, bliss, happiness, and enjoyment. But yesterday and the day before I just felt down..for no apparent reason. At work I let myself become irritated with the slightest thing, even snapping at a co-worker. I decided to look up the word "joy" in the bible index. I came up with 10 pages of results. Wow, that must mean that it's important. After reading just a few, I realize that God gives us JOY and the Lord is good and we should rejoice in Him. I once heard that God gives us joy, but it is our choice whether to accept it and rejoice. It's like God is just pouring down joy and it's rushing down like a wonderful waterfall and we are standing there in front of it. It's our choice whether or not we step into it and become engulfed by this joy. God's joy is waiting, will you accept it? Or will you let someone rob you of your joy? My challenge to myself is to accept this wonderful gift of joy the Lord has given me and to walk into the waterfall and be enveloped by bliss. I will try my best not to let anyone rob me of this joy and to focus my eyes on Jesus because I can only do this with His help.

30 Days Naked Day 20

"I have to get gas" This Is a phrase I've been saying to myself the past few days. Not only because my car is now on empty, but also because I am just flat out tired. I'm exhausted. It seems whenever I try to place some good in my life, it becomes overrun with the bad. Last Thursday morning I got up a little before 7 to run around my hilly neighborhood. I am quite out of shape and I wanted to get back in shape and be healthier. I was extremely sore that day and the next morning, but still I woke up and ran on Friday morning. I even bought I cool sport arm thing to hold my iPod while I run. Friday I felt pretty bad...sore..and it felt like my rib cage could pop in and out. It did this saturday too and my neck and shoulders hurt. Saturday I night I had what felt like a spasm in my neck and by Sunday morning I couldn't lift my right arm without tremendous pain. Is this what I get for running and trying to take care of my body? I began this fast 20 days ago. Sometimes I feel like God has left me. Even though I have given up things for Him...bad things still happen. I'm tired. I'm exhausted...physically,emotionally, and spiritually.. I'm running on empty.

30 Days Naked Day 17

I believe in shouting. I believe shouting is awesome. Sometimes i need to shout...to yell..or even to scream. Yesterday was one of those days. Last night I read Psalm 30 and 31, which I encourage you to read also. Psalm 30:2 says "O Lord my God, I called to you for help and you healed me." I am broken just like in Psalm 31:12: "..I have become broken like pottery." but verse 14 says: "but I trust in you, O Lord; I say, 'you are my God'." He is my God. He is my Father. We've been through everything together. He has never left me. Why would I leave Him now? I have done that before, and I have experienced the aloneness and the emptiness it brings. Psalm 30:5-7 "for His anger lasts only a moment, but His favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes with the morning. When I felt secure, I said, 'I will never be shaken.' O Lord, when you favored me, you made my mountain stand firm; but when you hid your face, I was dismayed." Lord I am broken, But you are the healer. Lord I am dismayed, But you are still here. Lord I am lost, But you save me in your unfailing love. I know you preserve the faithful. I will be strong and take heart for you are good.

30 Days Naked Day 16 part 2

Here I am Broken again I've been put back together too many times I don't know if I can handle this What have I done wrong? Lord, please tell me I gave it up for you Did I do the wrong thing? The pressure is too much I am not sure what to do How could you? I'm speechless I don't know what to think I'm so frightened And so scared Are you here? Do you care? Do you see how I love? Is it not enough? What am I supposed to learn? I'm waiting Waiting for your answer You are silent Do you hear me? I'm shouting, yelling, screaming I'm falling apart Can't take another blow I can't feel my heart You are the only one that heals But why would an injured man go back to the man who beat him up? Did you do this? Is it real? I don't understand Oh God I do not Comprehend

30 Days Naked Day 16

Why is this world so unfair? Why is it so horrible? Why do bad things happen? More importantly, why does it have to happen to such amazing people? They fall down and their faith is tested. It seems like such a great journey and they are thankful to God by the end. The second time is more difficult. It is long and grueling on them and everyone around them. But in the end they say "God is good". Why must it keep happening? Lord I thought I learned. What else do you have for me? What else do you have for them? Must it keep on happening? Will my dejavu continue? Is this your joy? To have your people suffer? I'm shouting. I shout to you who is so great. What have I done? What have I done. So I thought you listened. I thought you heard me. Will you answer prayer and take it away less than 6 months later? I guess it is true. So I have heard: you give and take away.