Whatever

Just admit it
You don’t care
Did you ever?
See my stare
Searching
For your heart
Whatever
Off the chart
No promises
Swearing Oaths
And declaring
Keep it simple
Whatever
Do what you must
Just don’t break
My heart of trust
Too late
No more
I’m in this state
On the floor
Whatever

I Wonder

Can you believe what you are saying now?
You make me so confused.
I don’t even know how
What you say about yourself
and what others say about you.
It sounds like you’re hiding something
I hear all the hints
as if there is something else,
something else I don’t know.
They say you’re not the same,
not the same when you’re around me
and I wonder,
and I wonder.
I wonder what is true.
Because when I hear you speaking,
every word is bleeding
with the blood of your lies,
the blood of your lies.
Every lie bleeds now
because every lie is a truth,
a truth that’s been murdered by you
and turned into something else;
Something else I cannot see,
because you lied to me.
I wonder
and I wonder.
I wonder what is true.
You seem like you are telling me the truth
but then is everyone else a liar?
Or are you just not telling all?
Are you hiding secrets from me?
But isn’t that a lie as well?
I wonder
and I wonder.
I wonder what is true.
But I don’t want to question you.
I want the truth to come naturally
and I want you to trust me,
though I wonder
and I wonder.
I wonder what is true

Holy Ambition

My life has changed drastically. My plans went down the drain. God told me that my plans were not His plans. I was confused, I doubted, I questioned. God said He knew what he was doing. And so now I'm wondering...what now? He said it's not the time, so I will wait. But what do I do in the meantime? Today I was reading a "Do Hard Things" by Alex and Brett Harris (a book on my summer reading list). The whole book is about a teenage rebellion against low expectations. In the chapter entitled "Generation Rising" they began talking about teenagers who had incredible ideas and made them into world changing organizations. They then used the word "Holy Ambition". I then read this: "John Piper, pasor and author, defines a holy ambition as something that you really, really, really want to do--and that God wants you to do to also. Some people would call this passion, but it's passion under the Lordship of Jesus Christ. What's yours?" I began thinking. Thinking of all the things I wanted to do and ideas that have crossed my mind in the past that I have not acted on. The world seemed to open up. So many opportunities. So..now what? Time for prayer. A song came to my mind as I was contemplating this. Here are the lyrics: "Give me one pure and holy passion Give me one magnificent obsession Give me one glorious ambition for my life To know and follow hard after You To know and follow hard after you To grow as your dicsiple in your truth This world is empty, pale, and poor Compared to knowing you, my Lord Lead me on and I will run after you Lead me on and I will run after you Give me one pure and holy passion Give me one magnificent obsession Give me one glorious ambition for my life To know and follow hard after you To know and follow hard after you To grow as your disciple in the truth This world is empty, pale, and poor Compared to knowing you my Lord Lead me on and I will run after you Lord to know and follow hard after you And to grow as your disciple in your truth This world is empty, pale, and poor Compared to knowing you my Lord Lead me on and I will run after you Lead me on and I will run after you Lead me on and I will run after you" I need to follow after Him; run after Him. Know Him. And I believe that if I do that, and my mindset is focused solely on Him, His plans will become my plans. His ambitions will become my ambitions. His passions will become my passions. And everything will work out for the good, because I love Him.

Trust Me

I was struggling. Fighting. Confused. Upset. I didn't understand. Really God? This is what you want me to do? But what about my life? What about my plan? "I have a better plan," He said. But I was still questioning. What's the plan? Tell me. Let me see it. "I have called you and you have a purpose. I have a plan for you; Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." But I still didn't get it. I didn't see these plans. They weren't tangible. They weren't understandable. But He spoke again, "Everything will work out for the good. Trust Me." I knew He spoke truth. Though I don't understand, I will trust and obey. Sometimes God asks us to do difficult things. But He has a plan, one that is better than we could ever plan or imagine. But we must listen, trust, and obey. And we must also rely on Him for strength to see it through. He will be here with me through it all.