Flashback

Sometimes I have flashbacks of the days I regret
sometimes my dreams are nightmares,
my mind does nothing but fret.
These thoughts they give me scares,
they frighten me to death.
These dreams they are so vivid.
My past is giving me a heart attack.
But what frightens me?
The past is done and gone
I've moved on,
but in the back of my mind
I wonder all the time,
what if it happens again?
What if I screw up once more?
The flashbacks come,
the nightmares rise,
oh how I hate remembering
my almost demise.

30 Days Naked Day 15

I'm tired. I'm scared. I'm stressed. I'm nervous. I'm impatient. School is weighing me down. I'm ready to finish. Life is becoming difficult. Halfway there Please don't stare I am sick inside and out All I want to do is pout Please end the stress I'm such a mess I'm tired and I'm scared I don't know why I dared I feel like I'm falling No one hears my calling Sometimes I wish I could physically feel Jesus. I wish I could feel him hold me and comfort me. I wish I could hear His voice audibly and know He is with me. I feel broken. I write when I need to vent. I apologize for this discouraging post.

30 Days Naked Day 14

Sitting in my room. Nervous. Sweating. I was going to leave soon. "Why do I become so nervous when i speak in front of people?" i asked myself. I became angry. I looked in the mirror, feeling naked. I have never wanted to put on makeup so bad. I always feel naked when I speak in front of people, and that is with makeup. Now I felt completely exposed. I had to keep praying to resist the temptation. I drove to class blaring music to get my mind off of what was about to happen. In the class room I waited anxiously while others presented. Ever since I was little I would sing this song my mom taught me: "God has not given us a spirit of fear. But he has given unto us, a spirit of power, a spirit of love, and a sound mind". This comes from 1 timothy 1:7. I used to always sing this at night when I would be frightened of the furnace. I still sing it in my head whenever I am nervous or scared. I sat in my chair singing this in my head while I waited. It was my turn. I set up the computer and I was shaking while I did it. I looked up at the class and saw all of the faces staring at me. Waiting. I decided to be honest. "I'm nervous" I said. I told the class that I become quite nervous when speaking in front of people so I would like to pray before I began. So I prayed and then I presented. Very strange. But it was the best thing to do.