A Reply When No One is Listening

Everyone knows
Why are you hiding?
I can see through your clothes
Of memorization and lying
Don’t look that way
Cause you know it will all go away
Just move on
Stand strong
You say it’s not easy
But I know you’re wrong
Get up
Watch your step
You got it all
Girl you just have to keep your rep
That’s what their saying
Please don’t be hating
I’m trying
But I can’t stop crying
Believe me I'm not lying
Yes I am hiding
But inside I am dying
It's hard to stay strong
When I know everything is wrong
I keep tripping
Ever day I am slipping
Away from here
Nothing is clear

30 Days Naked Day 16

Why is this world so unfair? Why is it so horrible? Why do bad things happen? More importantly, why does it have to happen to such amazing people? They fall down and their faith is tested. It seems like such a great journey and they are thankful to God by the end. The second time is more difficult. It is long and grueling on them and everyone around them. But in the end they say "God is good". Why must it keep happening? Lord I thought I learned. What else do you have for me? What else do you have for them? Must it keep on happening? Will my dejavu continue? Is this your joy? To have your people suffer? I'm shouting. I shout to you who is so great. What have I done? What have I done. So I thought you listened. I thought you heard me. Will you answer prayer and take it away less than 6 months later? I guess it is true. So I have heard: you give and take away.

30 Days Naked Day 14

Sitting in my room. Nervous. Sweating. I was going to leave soon. "Why do I become so nervous when i speak in front of people?" i asked myself. I became angry. I looked in the mirror, feeling naked. I have never wanted to put on makeup so bad. I always feel naked when I speak in front of people, and that is with makeup. Now I felt completely exposed. I had to keep praying to resist the temptation. I drove to class blaring music to get my mind off of what was about to happen. In the class room I waited anxiously while others presented. Ever since I was little I would sing this song my mom taught me: "God has not given us a spirit of fear. But he has given unto us, a spirit of power, a spirit of love, and a sound mind". This comes from 1 timothy 1:7. I used to always sing this at night when I would be frightened of the furnace. I still sing it in my head whenever I am nervous or scared. I sat in my chair singing this in my head while I waited. It was my turn. I set up the computer and I was shaking while I did it. I looked up at the class and saw all of the faces staring at me. Waiting. I decided to be honest. "I'm nervous" I said. I told the class that I become quite nervous when speaking in front of people so I would like to pray before I began. So I prayed and then I presented. Very strange. But it was the best thing to do.