Trust Me

I was struggling. Fighting. Confused. Upset. I didn't understand. Really God? This is what you want me to do? But what about my life? What about my plan? "I have a better plan," He said. But I was still questioning. What's the plan? Tell me. Let me see it. "I have called you and you have a purpose. I have a plan for you; Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." But I still didn't get it. I didn't see these plans. They weren't tangible. They weren't understandable. But He spoke again, "Everything will work out for the good. Trust Me." I knew He spoke truth. Though I don't understand, I will trust and obey. Sometimes God asks us to do difficult things. But He has a plan, one that is better than we could ever plan or imagine. But we must listen, trust, and obey. And we must also rely on Him for strength to see it through. He will be here with me through it all.

I Want But I Know

And I want to
But I know you
And you are worth
So much more
And if you want me to
I sure will do
My plans are no longer
I will follow my Father
Even if it hurts
You say it's not the time
I listen to your words
And I say
Please hold me
You're all I need
Take my heart now
Hold it
Draw me closer
Im Safe in your arms
You whisper in my ear
'daughter please hear'
And you want me to let go
Dropping what was before
Tomorrow is another door
What will it hold
I'm not so sure
But I know Your plans are good
You're the hope
That I cling to
Your promises renew
My spirit is yours
Oh my soul Lord
Take me
Mold me
Shape me
I know I'm growing Into the woman you want me to be

We Used to Never

My heart sinks when I think of you
Our past friendship that is lost
I cry myself to sleep some nights
I never thought about the cost
Of never staying in touch
Or even calling to say hi
Never getting lunch
Or even waving goodbye
Why did I give up something?
That was once so great
Why didn't I try harder?
To plan a little date
We used to talk
We used to laugh
We used to walk
Together we were
But never again
I wish it weren't true
I wish we were friends
I see you all the time
I see your new friends
I don't see your face
Or you even look at me
You turn away
Avoid my gaze
I'm not saying I don't do it too
I'm just saying my heart aches
Regret of what fate knew was coming

Sarah Camille

If the name Sarah Camille doesn't ring a bell, I don't think you will forget it soon after this. Sarah is a Christian Acoustic music artist who is hoping to, "...write from a stand-point where people from a lot of stages of life can relate to what I'm feeling or see God how I do." According to her Manager, Caleb Smith, she is a very unique musician."She writes her own music. She plays more instruments than the common recording artists. She doesn’t write her songs with the intention of having fame and fortune. She writes her songs to open up about herself and to reach out to people. She continues to do the complete opposite in how a typical recording artist acts, records, etc. She is her own person and she makes sure that everyone acknowledges that," he stated. Sarah has been playing music since longer than she can remember and now she plays six instruments, not including her voice: the guitar, violin, piano, mandolin, saxophone, and french horn. She says her inspiration was her siblings, they were the reason why she wanted to play music. "I idolized my siblings, so they were the ones who got me interested," she said. She began playing violin when she was four years old and has performed for a variety of audiences since then. In fact, one of the first times that Caleb Smith heard Sarah perform was when she was playing violin many years ago, way before he ever thought of being her manager, or anyone's for that matter. But God's plan was at work. Sarah began writing her own songs when she was in fifth grade. She started because of her older sister who played guitar and also wrote songs. The first time she performed one of her own songs was in 6th grade. "the first time I performed a song I had written was at a youth camp in 6th grade. I was so nervous. I was positive I was going to forget the words, but it worked out just fine. A friend of mine sang it with me, so that made it even better." As many do, Sarah did dream of recording her music some day. "The opportunity arose from my former violin teacher's husnband. He had a recording studio in their house, and after I played them a few songs I had written, they told me I had to record," sarah explained. Sarah recorded her songs and now has an EP out on itunes, amazon, and other places on the web thanks to her signing with Failcookie Records, managed by Caleb Smith. You can buy her album here at amazon: . Failcookie has also placed her on many other places on the web. "I promote her through Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, PureVolume, Amazon, iTunes, iLike, ReverbNation, and a few other small places that are just trial places than anything," Smith explained. Sarah's EP album is called "All I need". Sarah recalled that she was writing a song about Jesus Christ's crucifixion when it seemed so utterly depressing. "Then it hit me: God's Love!! Nice cheery subject to sing about. I started thinking about the old time movies with girls picking the petals off of flowers saying 'He loves me. He loves me not.' But God isn't like that! He loves us 24/7 no matter what. Why would we settle for less?" That is when she wrote the title song of the album. Sarah's passion for music and her Lord and Savior bring a refreshing, inspiring sound to her music that I think many will enjoy. Sarah explained that she writes many different kinds of songs. She writes songs to vent, which are just for her. She writes songs about friends, family, and even her upcoming graduation. But she says that the songs she records will benefit the people who listen. "Sometimes I write to vent, and that song shouldn't ever be replayed. I remember a specific event when I had written a song after a fight with a friend, and when he asked for a clean slate, I tore the song out of my notebook and threw it away." From talking to sarah, I believe that her highest priority is to please God. In her song writing she says: "Sometimes God reveals himself to me, and I write a song of awe." "She doesn’t write songs in hope that they become huge hits, like most artists," Smith says. "instead, she writes about her feelings and her thoughts. Her songs are lyrics she wrote, they are played to the tune and rhythm of her feelings. She plays some very spiritual music and has the potential to reach out to people who may not even be looking for Christ at that time in their lives, or even know who He is. This is why I support Sarah and her music." When asked what Sarah Camille has planned for the future, Smith says, "In the near future, we plan to take Sarah Camille to a new level of achievements that yet to be recognized. We expect her first full length album to be out sometime next year. We want her to play at concerts outside the local area (state wide). We also want to see Sarah come out with merchandise that will spark some attention." Smith sees huge possibilites for sarah. "Sarah [has] the potential to play as a recording artist and go beyond the expectation that I could ever have with her. When the option appeared to become her manager, I didn’t hesitate to take charge at the opportunity to chase after a dream of mine that I have had for a while." These are the basic hopes for Sarah Camille in the near future, and they seem to be very realistic, but Sarah's primary concern is this: "I would love to tell you that Sarah Camille knows what's happening in the future, but only God knows. I plan to ride this career as far as it takes me, and as long as I feel it is an adequate witness for Christ. The rest is in God's hands, and I plan to follow Him where He leads." I encourage you to check out Sarah Camille's music on Myspace, itunes, Amazon, or anywhere else! This girl can sing; and she sings her heart out for the Lord.

Doubt?

Do you ever have moments of doubt? Maybe those moments are just minutes, or even seconds; but perhaps they are hours, days, even weeks. Is this God's plan? Or is this something I convinced myself was His plan? Is this His timing? Or is this my timing? It is so difficult for me to just give it all to God. There could be many reasons for this. Two I can think of off the top of my head are selfishness and impatience. I want things to go my way and right now. That's not how God works. There is a reason I'm not in charge..I can't see it all. I am not all seeing and all powerful; not in the least. God knows my thoughts and the thoughts of others. He knows future events and people. And he knows my heart. He is the ultimate discerner. I need to lay it all down before His feet. What do you want Lord?what can I do for You? Show me your will for my life. Help me to see your plan for me and to carry it out. Be with me through every step. I trust you.

Cascade of Joy

Recently I began an accountability pact with my best friend and we have a series of questions we ask each other to stay accountable. One of the questions she asked me was: Have you let anyone rob you of your joy? I had to say...yes... Yes, I have let people, myself, or the devil rob me of my joy...the Lord's joy. It was difficult to say, but it hit me like a nail. Why do I let people rob me of this wonderful joy that the Lord has given me? Lately, I have been extremely happy, joyous, and excited about my life and what God is doing in it. I have been tremendously excited and thrilled. I was enveloped in the very essence of the word joy, which has the synonyms of delight, bliss, happiness, and enjoyment. But yesterday and the day before I just felt down..for no apparent reason. At work I let myself become irritated with the slightest thing, even snapping at a co-worker. I decided to look up the word "joy" in the bible index. I came up with 10 pages of results. Wow, that must mean that it's important. After reading just a few, I realize that God gives us JOY and the Lord is good and we should rejoice in Him. I once heard that God gives us joy, but it is our choice whether to accept it and rejoice. It's like God is just pouring down joy and it's rushing down like a wonderful waterfall and we are standing there in front of it. It's our choice whether or not we step into it and become engulfed by this joy. God's joy is waiting, will you accept it? Or will you let someone rob you of your joy? My challenge to myself is to accept this wonderful gift of joy the Lord has given me and to walk into the waterfall and be enveloped by bliss. I will try my best not to let anyone rob me of this joy and to focus my eyes on Jesus because I can only do this with His help.

Thirteen

It was a date. We walked around that duck pond side by side; talking at times, and other times completely silent. I looked up at him; tall, dark, and handsome. I smiled. It was dusk and the warm summer air was comforting. We sat on the bench underneath a willow tree facing the pond; watching the ducks and the geese as they swam around. He turned and looked at me, I knew he had something to say; something serious. He took something out of his pocket and held it in front of me. It was a box; a small black box. I took it, opening it slowly. It was a ring. You might be completely confused right now. You might think I am engaged. I am not. This even happened when I was just thirteen. And that tall, dark, and handsome man I was on a date with was none other than my dad. It was soon after my 13th birthday and the ring was a purity ring. At the time, I had never heard of a purity ring. Ever. I didn't know what it was or what it signified. My dad did explain to me however. It was a reminder for me. A symbol of the purity that I had and that I was going to keep. This little event that happened when I was thirteen is still very special to me. Although it wasn't a wedding proposal, it almost felt like one. It was a proposal. I felt like my dad was asking something of me. "Ali, will you promise to keep your purity? Will you accept this ring as a reminder and a symbol of that promise?" It was wonderful. Most girls wear their purity ring on their left ring finger; the finger where fiances wear their engagement ring and the finger where brides where their wedding ring. At first, I wore my ring on my right index finger. Not because I didn't feel that it was the steps before the previous rings I mentioned, but because the ring was too large for that finger. I did grow however and soon I wore it on that finger. For five years I wore it, until October of 2009. That is when I lost my purity ring. Now, I had lost it before this, but I had found it easily. This time, It seems, I have lost it for good. I think about it almost every day. I lost this promise..this symbol that my dad gave me one special night. It meant so much to me. I know, it is only a ring..only a symbol. Just 2 nights ago I cried while talking to my friend about it. She told me that the ring is just a "thing". I haven't lost my dad or the request from him to stay pure, and I haven't lost my promise. I only lost the ring. She is right. I am still sad..but I cling to that promise and the memory of that night with my dad. That is what is special.

Better?

Hearing bad things about other people and getting told that I am "better" than them does not make me feel better about myself. Gossip only hurts, it never heals. And being told that you are "better" than someone only makes you strive to meet the world's standards and not God's. There will always be someone "better" and trying to outbeat everyone is not a way to live... These are not compliments. "You are prettier than her", "You are much better than her", "You are better at basketball than that girl". What about just, "You are so pretty", "You are an amazing person", or "You are such an awesome basketball player"? When did put downs suddenly become "compliments"? I don't just want to be "better" than another person...I want to try my best to live up to God's standards and be a woman of God.

30 Days Naked Day 30

This is it: the last day. I have officially worn no makeup for thirty days; I have been naked. I took off my mask that I used to hide myself in front of the world and chose to be humble before God; beautifying myself spiritually in His Word instead of physically for the world. Using the time in the morning that I used to put on makeup, to instead, pray and read the Word. This fast that seemed so daunting at the beginning is now over and I have conquered it. I don't need a mask. I am me; Ali, a daughter of the King of the universe. That is nothing to hide. I have learned so much in the past thirty days as you may have seen through my past blog posts. This was a huge experience for me; not only because of the thing that I was fasting from, but because I was fasting period. The last time I remembered fasting was the 30 hour famine when I didn't eat for 30 hours. And really...I don't think I grew much from that experience. All I remember was that I was really hungry. I do remember the first time I fasted...or I remember the story my mom told me. I was quite little and I just told my mom I wasn't going to eat with the family at lunch that day because I felt like God wanted me to fast. Yes, seems quite silly. I don't think it was anything like this fast. But I do think it was me, as a child, listening to God and obeying Him. It was God training me for the future...learning to not only listen to Him, but obey. Obeying Him when I heard Him that morning telling me to fast from makeup was extremely difficult..I'm not going to lie. But it was so worth it. A quote I heard lately is: "When God says 'no' to something, it's because He's saying 'yes' to something better." God's plan is so much better than my own. I only need to listen and obey.

30 Days Naked Day 29

1 Thessalonians 5:21-22: "Test everything. Hold on to good. Avoid every kind of evil." This is the verse that convicted me when I read it in the book "Not Even A Hint" by Joshua Harris. Test everything. Here is a quote from John Wesley's mother that she sent him in a letter after he asked her "What is sin?": "Take this rule: whatever weakens your reason, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, or takes off the relish of spiritual things; in short, whatever increases the strength and authority of your body over your mind, that thing is sin to you, however innocent it amy be in itself." This is definitely a "what would Jesus do?" attitude. Taking every little thing you do and asking yourself if it helps further God's kingdom, and if it strengthens your relationship with Christ. As I continued reading the book I began thinking about what I watch and what I listen to and is it pleasing to God? I also realized I cannot do this alone. Yes, of course I have Christ. He is always and will always be with me forever. But I decided I need an accountability partner. Proverbs 27:17 says: "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." Hebrews 10:24-25 says: "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the custom of doing, but let us encourage one another, and all the more as you see the Day approaching." Two days ago I texted my friend and asked her if she would like to be my accountability partner. I told her we would talk more in detail about it later but I wanted to ask. But I let her know that I was completely serious about it and that I wanted it to be challenging and intense. I kept telling her I was serious; dead serious; dead dead in the grave serious. Last night I wrote down an outline of what our accountability would be and the promises we would make to eachother to keep eachother accountable and the questions we would ask eachother and scripture verses. I stayed up until 1 in the morning writing and shaking with excitement. I gave the papers to my frined today and asked her to read them and let me know what she thought. Later that afternoon I recieved a text saying: "I'm in". I was thrilled. But I asked her if she was sure. She said she was positive and she already felt attacked by satan on the way home and overwhelmed. I am excited about where this is going to take us and how this is going to shape us and make us more godly women. We would appreciate pray as we begin this journey. I thank God for my friend. She is amazing.

30 Days Naked Day 28

"I forgive you." Such wonderful words to hear...and such difficult words to say. Most of us have had to say these words to someone. Perhaps it was when we were younger and we called one of our siblings a 'butt head' or pushed them when playing outside. But maybe it was something even more serious. Maybe it was to someone who deeply hurt you. That is the most difficult time to say those words. 28 days ago I had a dream about someone that had hurt me last fall. When I woke up the Lord convicted me that I hadn't forgiven that person yet. So right there, in my heart, I forgave them. It felt pretty great to get that load off of my shoulders, that grudge that I had held on to. That afternoon I saw that person from afar. I had a burning urge inside to run up to him and tell him that I forgave him. But then I thought no...that would be really weird...especially since he was in his car in a drivethrough of a restaurant. I am not sure if that urge was God...or just me..but I chickened out and I went home. I did send him a message however telling him I forgave him. Surprisingly he replied and told me how shocked he was to recieve it and that it was good to hear. We actually agreed to smile and say hi to each other when we saw each other again instead being awkward. Forgiving someone is humbling. Forgiving someone is freeing. I encourage you today to think about someone who had done you wrong. Have you forgiven them? I encourage you to do so. I know it will be difficult..believe me. But it is so much better once you make that choice.

30 Days Naked Day 27

I recently heard "Rediscover You" by Starfield on the radio. This song really spoke to me and I know I have felt this way several times in my life. Not just several...many many many times. Here are the lyrics and I encourage you to listen to the song. I need to just admit My faith is paper thin I'm feeling so burned out On religion I say an empty prayer I sing a tired song I need to just admit that the passion's gone And I want to get it back You told me Look for You and I will find So I'm here Like I'm searching for the first time Revive me, Jesus Make this cold heart start to move Help me rediscover You I want to learn to pray The way that David prayed I want my soul to burn when I hear Your name I want to feel like new I want to hunger for you Bring me back to life like only You can do Cause I don't want to stay the same You told me Look for You and I will find So I'm here Like I'm searching for the first time Revive me, Jesus Make this cold heart start to move Help me rediscover You Lord, I want to be Yours today I want to know the passion of the saints And how they were changed You told me Look for You and I will find So I'm here Like I'm searching for the first time Revive me, Jesus Make this cold heart start to move I want to burn for You Bring me back to life, Jesus Help me rediscover You

30 Days Naked Day 26

"I'm pretty darn it!" These were the words of one of my friends as she told me about her now ex-boyfriend saying he didn't find her attractive anymore. I wish more girls had this reaction to those harsh words. Instead, most find themselves wallowing in negative self talk. This statement by my friend made me smile at the time, and it still does. "Yes. Yes you are," I replied. I wish that every girl knew this...that she's pretty. Too many girls place their worth in what others say. Actually, in what guys say and what they think. This is not who our worth should be placed in. Our worth is in Jesus Christ. He thinks we are worth so much more than anyone else could ever say. He thinks we are pretty. In fact, he thinks we are way more than pretty. He thinks we are beautiful, gorgeous, and radiant inside and out. God only creates the best. You are pretty darn it.

30 Days Naked Day 25

As I stood in line at the grocery store I looked at the checkout lady. She was older, probably late fifties or early sixties, but I will admit, I am horrible at guessing people's ages. As she began scanning my items I studied her face. I didn't mean to stare, but it caught my attention. She was wearing dark eyeliner that was very thick, around her small eyes. On her eyelids was blue eyeshadow. Her face was caked with makeup. It was so thick that it actually looked like a thin mask; like the one that Robin Williams wore in the movie Mrs. Doubtfire. I began to wonder what this lady looked like without her mask. Even more so, I began to wonder about this woman's character and her life. No, I don't know the woman. Perhaps I was being judgemental by staring at her so. Do you ever recieve the urge to pray for complete strangers? That's what I did today. I prayed. And I hope to continue praying for her.

30 Days Naked Day 24

I almost forgot to write a blog today. Amazing. Six days left. It feels like forever ago is when I began this fast. So much has happened since then and there is so much I have learned. But I will reflect on the whole experience on day 30. For now, I want to say that you are beautiful. God created you in his image (genesis 1:27) and you are spectacularly beautiful to Him. I believe that true beauty is in your heart. In Psalm 33:15 it says that the Lord formed your heart. Which sounds to me as if he had it in his hands, shaping it lovingly. Your beautiful heart. ~scar girl

30 Days Naked Day 23

Something Jesus calls me to have, is faith. SO many times in the new testament Jesus rebuked his disciples because of their lack of faith. In Matthew 17:20-21 after Jesus healed a demon possessed boy, Jesus' disciples asked why they couldn't heal the boy. Jesus replied: "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." In matthew 8 when Jesus calmed the storm, he told his disciples they had little faith and asked why they were so afraid. In matthew 9 Jesus healed a sick woman who touched his cloak and Jesus said to her: "your faith has healed you". Also in this chapter, Jesus heals the blind and mute saying "according to your faith will it be done to you", when they asked to be healed. In matthew 14 when Jesus walked on water, He called Peter, "You of little faith" and asked him why he doubted. I could name so many more examples. Faith is IMPORTANT. In Hebrews 11:6 it says: "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." In order to please the Lord who I admire and adore so much, I must have faith in Him. So What exactly is faith? Hebrews 11:1 says: "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." This can be so difficult for us as humans. How can we be sure of our hopes? How can we be absolutely sure, with no doubts, and certain of what we cannot see? Only with faith. Only with Jesus, the only source of hope.

30 Days Naked Day 22

There is something that is really bugging me tonight. Why do people date if they know that they are not going to marry that person in the future? If you have an answer I invite you, please comment. I know, I know; not everyone finds Mr. Or Mrs. Right right away. But not everyone goes into a relationship knowing they are going to break up do they? People say it's okay to date "for fun". When they say this they say it is carefree. So what? You are just "dating" someone and having all the benefits without an actual committment? Is that it? Then I heard the argument that you are just hanging out and having fun with that person and you don't have to be physical. That's great but why would you call that dating? Can you not have fun hanging out with a group of friends? Can you not get to know guys by being friends with them? I believe that friendships are more honest than the Start of a dating relationship anyway because you are not trying to impress the other person. When you are dating you tend to put your best face on to impress. And sometimes it is not who you really are. I know I have had many deep conversations with my guy friends that show me who they are, the good and the bad. I don't believe you have to date a certain amount of guys or girls to find that right one. I've known many people who have only dated one person, only kissed one person, only had sex with one person. Some people say that you have to go through many guys to learn lessons and figure out what you want in a guy and what you don't want. I don't know about you, but I can figure that out by observation and friendships rather than giving my heart away so many times in my life. ~scar girl

30 Days Naked Day 21

Do you ever feel like you've been replaced? Maybe your best friend replaced you with their boyfriend/girlfriend, or perhaps someone else recieved that promotion and you didn't. Perhaps you tried to help someone out and you got them started but they just went ahead without you. You're left behind..in the dust..not sure where to go or what to feel. Should you be upset? Should you just move on? Should you be sad? Hurt? Do you think you have this "spot" in someone's life? Will it be taken away? Will they change their minds in an instant? The human mind is waivering and unpredictable. What will be taken away and what will stay is uncertain. This life is not fulfilling. I can't find my worth in others or how they view me. Only Jesus.

30 Days Naked Day 20

"I have to get gas" This Is a phrase I've been saying to myself the past few days. Not only because my car is now on empty, but also because I am just flat out tired. I'm exhausted. It seems whenever I try to place some good in my life, it becomes overrun with the bad. Last Thursday morning I got up a little before 7 to run around my hilly neighborhood. I am quite out of shape and I wanted to get back in shape and be healthier. I was extremely sore that day and the next morning, but still I woke up and ran on Friday morning. I even bought I cool sport arm thing to hold my iPod while I run. Friday I felt pretty bad...sore..and it felt like my rib cage could pop in and out. It did this saturday too and my neck and shoulders hurt. Saturday I night I had what felt like a spasm in my neck and by Sunday morning I couldn't lift my right arm without tremendous pain. Is this what I get for running and trying to take care of my body? I began this fast 20 days ago. Sometimes I feel like God has left me. Even though I have given up things for Him...bad things still happen. I'm tired. I'm exhausted...physically,emotionally, and spiritually.. I'm running on empty.

30 Days Naked Day 19

Sometimes I feel helpless. I can't do anything. I am in extreme pain right now. I can't concentrate. I can't seem to study for 2 finals I have tomorrow. I can't get comfortable. I can't sleep. I can't feel. I have so much on my mind. I can't help anyone. I don't know what it feels like. How can I do anything? My heart cries out and longs to help others. And it aches because I can't do a thing. I am helpless. But thank you Jesus I am not hopeless. Hold me now.

30 Days Naked Day 18

I once heard it said that once you are born, you begin dying. When you take your first breath, second breath, third breath, ect, you are slowly making your way to your last breath. In my life, right now, I am slowly dying. So..in a way..we all have a slow death. And since life is full of struggles, difficulties, and pain, we all have some sort of a painful death. We all are dying. Slowly. Painfully. I am not sure about you, but this sounds utterly depressing to me. I really wanted something positive to bring light into such a negative and pessemistic comment. Today I read 2 Corinthians 4. In verses 10-12 it says: "we always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you." Though we are dying, we have a Savior who gives us life. We have this life because of His death. We give our lives in worship to the one who is alive. Verse 14 says: "because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence." In our death we will have life because we recieve the gift of dwelling with the Lord in heaven forever. Verses 16-18 say: "therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."