It's Okay

You act like you don’t care.
You act like the world never fazes you,
but I know the truth.
I can see right through the show you put on.
Every day Is the same,
you act so tough,
I think it’s lame.
Just be who you are,
no need to be afraid.
It’s okay to show that you’re upset
It’s okay to say that your day wasn’t made
It’s okay to be imperfect and broken
Stop lying to the world and yourself
Just show me you
Please be true
It’s okay

Tyler playing piano

Here I am Lord

Here I am,
here I am again
in this place I’ve been a thousand times,
struggling to keep my mind.
Oh Lord, help me with this now.
I can’t take it anymore.
I’m tired and I’m sick of this.
I keep coughing up this bothersome mess
Sometimes I wish I didn’t care
but I can’t help it even if I dare
Oh Lord, hold me tonight
I just want to know you’re here
I just want to hear you say
“I’ve got it all under control”
Oh Lord, things seem hopeless now
It happened so many times
When will it end?
Please tell me when it will end
I’m sick of all this worry
My heart aches when I think of them
I’m so helpless when it comes to this
Oh Lord, I’m not sure what to do
I guess I should just give it to You
I know You have it all,
holding it in Your hand,
but I can’t stop worrying
I can’t stop thinking of it
and I can’t stop the ache in my heart
Oh Lord, please heal me
because here I am.
Here I am again
kneeling at your feet.
You know where I’ve been
and You know where I am now,
right where I was before.

How many times?

How many times will this happen?
How many times will you say?
“I’m done with that Moving on “
but there you sat
staying in the same place.
When will this end?
this string of heart ache.
You twist and you bend,
I don’t want to see you break.
So I ask
how many times will you keep going back?
How many times will you change your mind?
Common sense is what you lack.
I thought you realized,
I thought you knew
how much you’ve compromised
I thought you knew it too
but you go back on your word
You never come through.
You talk the talk,
what you say isn’t true,
You can’t walk the walk.
Can you not see the cue?
Walk away now,
I don’t think I can take it anymore.
I see where you were,
I see how far you’ve come,
but now it doesn’t look like you’ve gone far.
I know it’s a struggle
but after this much time
you’d think you’d realize by now.
So I ask you,
I ask you again
how many times will you lie?
How many times will you let this go on?
How many times will you make me want to cry?
I can’t take it anymore.
I can’t take it anymore.
Will this never end?

I can't live without You

I’ve come to see it all,
the bigger picture.
I can’t live without you.
I could live without all the money in the world
I could live without a house,
a roof over my head.
I could live without possesions
or even without any friends.
I’d still be alive
I’d still breath
but without you
everything falls apart.
Even if I seemed to have “everything”
You hold everything together
I can’t live without you

Tears

I've never fought the tears this hard,
never thought it'd be this hard to say goodbye
but here I am
in your arms,
last hug goodbye
I will not cry.
Determined but weak
the tears
they do leak.
I turn my head in my pride
but give up,
at least I can say I tried

Stood Up

I'm still waiting,
waiting for you to come.
Sitting on the bench
an hour after it ended
still hoping,
watching every car go by,
stifling every tear I cry
with my last piece of cake.
I feel like I'm on a date
being stood up.
I can't even say you're late
cause you won't come.
I think about all promises.
Why do I believe anyone?
I've been let down many times,
given my heart to the people I love,
not an ounce in return.
I called you family
I called you friend,
now I say goodbye,
it's your last chance,
the end.

A Thought

He acted like a child. Not in the way that he was immature, but that he was extremely curious about everything. Always thinking. Speaking of things that no one had though of. His mind was fresh and unpolluted by the world's set ways. It was flexible and could bend and think in a way that was unheard of to most of our culture. Some would laugh at his comments and suggestions, but I knew the genius behind, what seemed to most, like ignorance. Only I knew that it was really intelligence.

Do you just not have anything to say?

I found another reason why I can’t wait to leave this town. I am sick of being made fun of. My whole life, I have not been the outgoing, extroverted, person who jumps into a new situation with full force. No, I am the person who is quiet at first and slowly breaks out of their shell. Even when you get to know me, I can be quiet. I am a thinker. I contemplate. I think before I speak…most of the time. People do not appreciate this. They only become annoyed that I don’t speak.
Since I moved to Bartlesville, I have heard many phrases and comments and questions. Well, let me change that. I have heard a few phrases, comments, and questions that have been repeated shamelessly by quite a few people. I have been abashed almost constantly. I’ve heard sarcastic comments. “Ali, why do you talk so much?”, “Ali, shut up, no one cares!”, “Ali, geez! You’re talking my ear off.”; “Ali let someone else talk for once.” And then there are the serious just plain rude questions. “Why aren’t you talking?”, “Do you just not have anything to say?”, and my favorite “Are you shy?” Then they ask each other if they heard me speak a word in the last ten minutes and maybe I am scared of them. You would think that they could have thought of something new by now. Because let me tell you, I am sick of your old jokes.
I was always told: “It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.” I’ve seen many fools in my time, and I have only lived eighteen years. And in my experience (correct me if I am wrong), fools talk quite a bit. They blab on about many things that they do not know of. They impulsively spurt out comments and suggestions that are irrational. They are the people that, when you are around them, you constantly think “shut up!” But do you ever say this? I sure don’t. I don’t know what the purpose of this little note is. Perhaps it is to finally speak about my frustrations with constantly being picked on and made fun of. I accepted it before. What else could I do? This is who I am. Deal with it.

Sing

I will sing sing sing sing.
Lift my voice
Oh higher higher,
louder louder.
I want you to hear oh King,
what praise I sing
but I know that
even if I sing in a whisper
You hear it just as clear
I only sing louder
for the people’s ear
so they can hear of
Your glorious deeds
and praise you themselves
because You answer our needs.

Struggle

Every day is a struggle.
Every moment I cry.
Every breath is hoarse.
I can never say goodbye.
I'm losing what I had,
I feel it slipping away.
No friends or comrades here,
just a empty body bag
Waiting for the time,
just tell me when it is.
I can't move I'm frozen here,
frozen in time.
My mind won't move.
My mouth won't rhyme.
Everyday is a struggle.
I count the seconds of the time.
Every day I see your face
but do you ever see mine?
I feel invisible here
in this world of people,
just a face in the crowd
but one look,
a direct stare,
It'll kill me in an instant,
just knowing you are there.
Will it help?
When I'm dying?
When I'm fading slowly,
struggling,
counting every second.

For a Little While

Only fun for a little while
but I can’t see anyone then
Everyone fades away
into the mist of my pen
I hold it up high
that is all I can do
Just write myself by
All the aches and pains that I feel
and everything disappears
but only for a little while.
It all comes back in time,
comes to haunt me when I sleep,
I can’t even close my eyes.

She Didn't Know Why She Felt This Way

She didn’t know why she felt this way.
She didn’t know what to think.
She didn’t know how she got this way
or why everything would change when she blinked.
She didn’t know if it would ever go away
or if she would just sit and sink,
sink slowly day by day.
Her heart is on the brink
Sometimes she wonders if it’s made of clay
changing so often that
she needs to see a shrink.
She didn’t know why she felt this way.